Пост обновлен 15 сент. 2019 г.
I cannot tell if you can hear it from this video, but my lamp makes sounds that echo Dean Hurley’s soundtrack to the recent “Twin Peaks” season. There is certainly a beauty in decay, but I wish I didn’t have to contemplate such matters in my kitchen.
A deep-seated fear of mine is to burn alive (next to my fear of becoming homeless again), and there is good reason for this phobia. I had the misfortune of catching fire twice, both times due to a cheap room and dilapidated wiring. If you could see the wiring in my current abode you would be horrified. This building was constructed c1906 and it would seem no one has repaired it since that time.
Sometimes I wake up at night anxious from a nightmare that a fire has started. If you read my previous posts or my blog you would be aware that I have a long complicated relationship with housing. I always rent shitty places that are affordable to me and these generally are poorly maintained and subsequently dangerous.
I rent a small room in an apartment where I both sleep and paint, breathing fumes from turpentine and other materials throughout the day and night. I used to believe that I painted in my bedroom, now it seems to me that I sleep in the studio. My windows look out onto a vista that includes a noisy road and tramlines, resulting in a constant background noise with dust and other contaminates. Because of this, I have developed some health issues. Putting this slum behind me, looking for pastures new is the only way I’ll feel better both physically and mentally. But right now I’m watching my Lynchian lamp and hope to don’t burn alive tonight.
Despite the growing confidence in my art career, I still earn far less than I need to rent a normal apartment, and at times it seems like the impossible. However, there is light, and every time you purchase something from me you provide me with a glimpse of this better life. Thank you.